May. June. July. August. Nearly September. Nearly time to get married. Just two more weeks.
How am I doing? How's life & marriage planning?
Oofta. Hurricane. Whirlwind. Too much already-regretted stress. Not enough sleep. Too many hormones. Bronchitis. Too many decisions. The challenge of planning a wedding in rural Alaska (where the closest helpful store is four hours away) & of planning how to coordinate travel, lodging and food for those who can actually make the trip and trek for the event, has been overwhelming to say the least -- there have too been many days and nights when needless, frustrated tears have brimmed over.
The past few tumultuous months have revealed a couple things...I have a control issue. I have a selfish issue. I am still (despite my best self-persuasion) a perfectionist. I am short on patience & grace. I am finite. I am rebellious. I have felt empty, discouraged & more inept at life than I have probably ever before. I have expelled my petty frustrations in ugly ways, I have responded to others, and to my intended, in irritable and irrational ways. I reckon some use the term Bridezilla for such a unbecoming metamorphosis. This is far from what I'd hoped for myself, where is the romanticized fairy tale in which I remain calm, composed, carefree and ever exuberant? The fantasy seems to have fallen through gaping, grasping hands...and what is left...is real life. People are people. Communication is forever difficult. Dishes & laundry still have to be done. Food has to be made (cereal can't sustain you forever). Work demands our time & energy. Money doesn't grow on trees.
Despite the roller coaster of my female mind... Somehow, I have been wrapped in arms of patient grace and love. I think I have learned more about Christ's gentle, persistent love for his Bride in this wedding planning process than I ever anticipated. When I let go of the imperfect details -- of center-pieces, music selection, burlap & lace...what is left is a life-changing and refreshing story.
It's a reflection of the Jesus story.
Tim has graciously called me back to perspective and truth...over and over. It's not fair. I don't deserve to be preparing for a beautiful covenant with this patient man, and yet my groom ushers me to join him, to partner with him in love, in life.. overlooking what may seem to me to be unforgivable blemishes.
And so it is, we don't deserve Christ's astonishing love and grace when we take account for our messiness, for our bad attitudes, for the ongoing list of mishaps we blooper each day. And yet, He ushers us to Him, speaks, "Behold, my love, come to me, I choose you, I long to lavish you with grace, with great life-giving love."
Thank you, Tim, for showing me Jesus' heart in this wedding journey. That's what it is all about anyway. This marriage ceremony event... I pray that as I stand with Tim on the eighth of September, that the message those in attendance will receive will reflect that of Christ's captivated heart for us, of His sweet undeserved love that transforms us into something beautiful.
So here's to embracing joy for a couple more weeks...and beyond.
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