an update

it's been more than a year since my last post.

it's not that i haven't thought about it.

and yet the months slipped through my fingers -- and no smattering of words ever seemed greater-than-cliche enough for a post. what is there to say about motherhood that hasn't already been said?

there are the romantic, heart gushing moments when the child is a sainted cherub. think facebook.
there are the poop-in-the-bathtub-forever-messy-kitchen-and-highchair-moments that make you want to scream and dig your own grave. and a heck of a lot of in-between that falls somewhere along the line of sheer endurance. failures. treasured hours that fade too quickly. gratitude that eli won't remember our blunders as we hike the curve of learning {gratitude that love -hopefully- shines through this}.

i'm still, and probably forever will be, grappling with my life's reality. with all that it means to be a wife, a mother, a professional...a disciple...a woman, a friend, a human. nothing new here, just my perpetual angsty-extended adolescence.

more often than not, meals sneak up on me, i'm found ill-prepared and dinner doesn't happen until, well, later than it probably should. i'm constantly identifying and praying through the fear that is my inability to entirely protect my child. i catch myself pondering the what ifs of my professional choices, what type of nurse i would be today, if had never come to alaska. inadequacy. fear. regrets. they are monsters.

and yet in grace, we haven't gone to bed hungry--- yet.
 >>>>and that's really not fair to the rest of the world.

in grace, my child sleeps in safety, healthy, tonight.

in grace, there is more to being a great nurse than residency programs, classes, & resume highlights.

all this to say, it's been  a whirlwind in many ways since my son graced us with his presence, for apart from the daily mundane-phenomenon that is parenthood, we have juggled several weighty decisions. for those who have found themselves reading this and care to wonder... we are now afloat on the island of kodiak.  probably news to no one. there is much involved in this tale -- missteps, faith leaps, tears and more than a couple tablespoons of hope--- but we are here now, learning how to serve where we've landed. we are praying that this year is one of refreshing, as refreshing as the sweet rainforest rain that frequents our new home. away from jobs that take too heavy a toll. graced with time and space to catch our breath after the chaos of eli's infancy, of planning to move, of moving.
we are praying that this would be the year of our jubilee, freedom from the shackles of debt, freedom to dream and pray about full-time ministry. even though it would seem, life in this season also falls in that ministry category.

i can't promise that i'll frequent the blog scene  much more...  perhaps this is a bit of a good-bye until we ship off to africa or nepal, God knows, because of course that would be much more exciting than the adventure of overdosing on coffee beans to muster the strength to make one more trip to the dumpster with just one more bag of stenchy diapers....

but if you would, could you, might you, pray for us. pray for us as we open our eyes to all that is going on in the world. as we focus in on what really matters. as we become part of the church here in this diverse lil' fishing-coast-guard town. as we pray for wisdom in raising our nino in a broken & increasingly corrupted nation.  as we pray for our brothers and sisters who have been victimized in violence across the sea. pray for the Spirit to prepare us for whatever role He may call us to in the days to come. let's all just get on our knees and never get up. amen.